What is Generational Trauma?
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Introduction
Generational Trauma can be experienced in a variety of ways. Similarly to Enmeshment (a form of Generational Trauma), Generational Trauma can go undetected by those within the family dynamic for many years. As with any Trauma, the effect of this can be long-lasting and difficult to navigate. Some call it silent suffering. For others, their experience is more obvious, however, no less complex. Before we explore how to break away from Generational Trauma, let’s explore what Generational Trauma is in more detail.
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What is Generational Trauma?
Generational Trauma happens when there is a pattern of behaviour that repeats itself and is passed from generation to generation within a family. This behaviour impacts the individuals within this dynamic in an unhelpful or harmful way. While this pattern doesn’t always start with malicious intentions, over time, it does have a detrimental impact on the people, communities and relationships built within it.
Generational Trauma is something most (if not all) people experience. Usually, it occurs because no one has consciously noticed it, or it is engrained within a systemic issue. We often see it as a part of ‘our normal’ family dynamic. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength to break a cycle of Generational Trauma. Often, taking that step feels out of our control, too risky or unknown to walk towards.
How can Generational Trauma affect you?
When we are in our window of tolerance (yellow box), our brain tells us, “you are safe, you are regulated, you are ok.”
When we experience danger, our brain wants to help us find a way to protect ourselves.
If we don’t have a safe way to do this, our brain moves into a survival or Trauma response.
We have four options for protecting ourselves (and we don’t actively choose which one is used):
Flight (Red Zone)
Fight (Red Zone)
Freeze (Blue Zone)
Fawn (Blue Zone)
The first time we experience this response, our brain takes note of whether that response did or did not keep us ‘safe.’ Our brain assumes that if we ever experience a similar thought, feeling, sensation, environment, etc., as we did the first time we had this response, then the danger must also be the same and therefore, our response should be too. Your brain doesn’t know that you are no longer in the first danger but keeps responding as if you are.
This creates what is commonly known as a Trigger.
Let’s have an example…
Sam has a meeting with their manager, Taylor. Taylor tells Sam their team hasn’t met a target this month. Suddenly, Sam feels Taylor is telling them they are not a good enough team leader and that Sam’s team has failed.
While it might feel disappointing to not meet the target, Sam’s manager isn’t necessarily telling Sam that they or their team have failed or are not good enough.
It’s helpful to get curious about this.
Understanding Triggers and Generational Trauma
Questions for Sam to ask themselves:
Where did Sam learn that if you don’t meet expectations, you’re not good enough, and you have failed?
“I’m not sure; it’s just always been there. My family were hard workers.”
Is this a belief system Sam grew up within?
“My family taught me if I didn’t do well at school, I wouldn’t get a job or succeed in life.”
Did Sam have younger siblings they had to be responsible for?
“Not really, but they did tell me to set a good example for my little brother if I was misbehaving or that I should know better.”
And lastly, how did the adults around Sam react to their expectations not being met, and did this reaction feel safe for Sam?
“I would show them things I did at school, if I didn’t get a high mark, Dad would tell me to focus on what I didn’t get right and do it better next time. I didn’t want to disappoint Dad, so I studied more and more. Sometimes, it feels like nothing is good enough. I wouldn’t say I was unsafe, but I didn’t like how I felt.”
We now know one of Sam’s triggers - disappointing Dad.
Here are the four responses Sam may have to this Trigger:
This image uses a bear attack as an analogy.
In Sam’s example of their meeting with their manager, their brain views the feedback from their manager as the bear (trigger) and will use one of these responses to keep Sam safe.
When we got curious about Sam’s beliefs, we learned that adults around them had high expectations that felt difficult or impossible for Sam to meet. To avoid the adult’s response to this, Sam focused their energy on making sure not to disappoint Dad.
This tells us that Sam responded with Fawn. By studying more, they defused the danger of disappointing Dad, but now we have a new problem. Sam’s self-esteem and confidence take a hit each time they get feedback. This is because his brain has been taught to process feedback as a reflection of Sam's failing. We also want to keep in mind that Sam may be experiencing some anxiety around his attachment to his Dad.
Once Sam recognises this, they can then engage in more Self-Care to lessen this belief system they hold, to stay within their window of tolerance and lessen the chances of becoming Triggered.
Just like Sam, when we can understand the belief systems and the responses we have to these beliefs being triggered, we can feel more in control, more empowered and safer within ourselves.
Tip: You could ask yourself similar questions to Sam, just change them to suit your situation a little more.
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Thanks for reading - Kelly
Disclaimer: The examples provided in this blog are purely hypothetical and intended for illustrative purposes only. Any resemblance to real events, people, or businesses is purely coincidental, with the exception of those that are directly referenced and linked to. The views and scenarios shared are meant to offer general insights and should not be considered as professional advice.
References
Divya Robin. (2022) Mental health awareness post [Instagram]. Available at: https://www.instagram.com/mindmatterswithdiv/p/Ce6S6qFlDJH/ (Accessed: 5 March 2025)
Buczynski, R. (2017). How to Help Your Clients Understand Their Window of Tolerance. [online] NICABM. Available at: https://www.nicabm.com/trauma-how-to-help-your-clients-understand-their-window-of-tolerance/ [Accessed 4 Mar. 2025].
Pacholec, E. (2022). New Moon Psychotherapy. [online] New Moon Psychotherapy. Available at: https://newmoonpsychotherapy.ca/flight-fight-freeze-fawn/#:~:text=Fawn%20kicks%20in%20when%20we,gives%20into%20the%20perpetrator%2Fabuser. [Accessed 4 Mar. 2025].
Hi 👋 I’m Kelly
Meet the Face behind the Blog
I’m a Counsellor & Psychotherapist. I find passion in helping others navigate their complex family relationships, estrangement and all the layers that come with these experiences. I have personal experience in most areas I work and find this adds depth to the relationships my clients and I build.
Outside of work, I love escaping to other worlds through reading. I’m a cat lover and find the most joy in my life when it feels settled, quiet and slow-paced.
