Boundaries
Every time we communicate, we are setting boundaries.
I notice boundaries sometimes get a bad reputation for making relationships more difficult or causing fall out. Really, when done effectively, boundaries are intended to make relationships feel more fulfilling.
Often from a very young age, we are taught to ignore our natural boundaries. Do you remember being told “oh give Auntie so in so a hug!” or “Children should be seen and not heard”, maybe not these but maybe something similar came to mind as you read them? These are examples of us, as children having a sense that something feels off, we don’t like it but often, to please our parents or caregivers we push these queues away, without knowing this is what happens.
So, if we spend our childhood trying to set boundaries but being told to ignore the queues what does this look like as an adult?
Sometimes we do things, even when we don’t want to when they don’t feel safe for us.
Sometimes people will talk to or communicate with us in ways that feel disrespectful or hurtful and we become quiet or very loud to cope with this.
Sometimes others try to set boundaries with us and it can feel like a betrayal because we were never taught what safe boundary setting looks like.
The great thing is, now you’re an adult who has awareness that at times you feel uncomfortable because either you have crossed someone else’s boundaries or they have crossed yours and this awareness is MAGICAL.
We all have a choice to make, we can continue the generational pattern of ignoring boundaries or we learn how to set them. Let me offer you some reassurance, this doesn’t always mean cutting friends or family members out of your life or ending relationships. It more often involves a transition away from your current ways of coping with boundaries being crossed or moulding these ways of coping into something that allows you to feel safe within yourself and your relationships to feel more secure and fulfilling.
If some of this sounds familiar, why not reach out today to find out more about how I can support you with this?
