Shame
If you are a client of mine and we’ve explored shame in our sessions you will have heard me say this. There are no bad emotions but shame is, for most, the most difficult one. [Anger and Guilt and often follow not far behind]
As Brené Brown says, “Shame tells us there is something wrong with us.” It’s that little voice that says we’re not good enough.
While Shame isn’t always an unhelpful thing, often we experience it at times that aren’t helpful for us.
Shame helps us to conform socially. An example of this may be the response you have to the idea of you walking up the high street naked. For the most part, we wouldn’t do this because shame tells us not to.
However when we experience shame as a way to silence us as children “you should have known better” “Children should be seen and not heard” we can internalise this as us being ‘bad.’
Shame can cause us to communicate in ways we’d rather not, maybe very passively or very aggressively. It can hold us back from living life in a way that fulfils us and is often best friends with guilt. One often comes before the other.
I wonder if as you read this you are reminded of times you’ve not felt good enough and if you’re carrying the impact of those memories with you now?
These younger parts of us want to protect us and sometimes use shame as a way to do that, while that may have helped at some point in your life I’d guess it doesn’t always feel helpful.
If this is something you’d like support with why not get in touch today to explore how you can work through this?
